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I actually managed to get Sable a bottle of Royal Coat Express on Friday morning. (There was an article about it in the paper last week -- that's how I heard about it -- and ever since then it's been in crazy-demand.) I've been giving him a teaspoon every morning, and I really think he's scratching less. Grandma said she thought so too, when I took him over to her house.
Man, do I love my bike. Especially now that I've gotten it tricked out with a basket and bell. I went for a long ride today and realized that there's a real wealth of places I can reach on that bike: mom's house, grandma's house, work, the bank, the post office, the library, the lake, downtown. The only downside is the only fastfood place I can reach on it is Wendy's. But they do serve buffalo chicken there now, so I can't complain. If I should die in a bike accident, I want my epitaph to be, "She died as she had lived -- a cyclist." This is a real epitaph on a real person's grave.
Actually, in seriousness, I'd want my epitaph to be either Elle vole avec son miroir magique or She's flying with her magic mirror. (It's a line from Ponette. Ponette's father tells her that her mother is dead and asks, "Do you know what that means?" Ponette replies, "Yes, she's flying with her magic mirror.") Actually, I'm not sure I want to be buried at all.
Watching The Sound of Music with Sara last night...
Me: They make the landler look easy, but it's actually a very complicated dance.
Sara: It's not that complicated.
Me: Well, you could never do it.
Sara: That's because I always had a shitty partner. Some crazy, sickly, skinny asthmatic girl. I wonder whatever happened to that girl. I think she finally wheezed herself to death one winter.
Me: [laughing hysterically]
Rebecca ain't quite as dumb as she seems.
Aug. 9th, 2009 02:08 pmI worked a close last night, something I haven't done in a while. Our store closes at nine, and we're usually out by 9:15, but the back-to-school season is our Christmas, so last night we weren't done until about 10:30. But I'm not closing at all this week, so I can't complain. School supplies have changed a lot since my day. On a lot of school supply lists now teachers specify everything - size, brand, color, amount, etc. I lost count of how many moms finally said, "Well, if your teacher wants you to have this, she can go out and find it for you."
Tired as I was when I got home, I stayed really late and then got up early this morning because Sable was whining to go out. I figured as long as I was walking him, I might as well give him his flea powder and fish oil. Then I figured as long as I was doing that, I might as well brush him. And by then I was so wide awake that I couldn't go back to bed, so I made a YouTube video instead. I like to make them when the ideas are still fresh in my mind.
We have a box of yellow cake mix in the cabinet that has, alarming, learned to speak French. "Rebecca, mange-moi, mange-moi!" I have been looking for an excuse to bake it, and I think August 15 is as good as any. (See The Secret Life of Bees for explanation.) That's also the day that Sara comes home from North Carolina, so it can be a welcome back present for her.
Oh yeah, and Sara's store carries a kids book about the human body that comes with a life-size replica of a human tongue. Sara, for some reason that only she knows, cut the tongue out of one of the books and brought it home; now it's sitting on our coffee table. It really looks and feels like a real tongue. It creeps me out to look at it, so I put a magazine on top of it.
Things to do today: go to the library, go grocery shopping, do my laundry.
Last night, after yet another episode of Rebecca barfing:
Me: But at least I'm not having diarrhea anymore.
Sara: Oh, yeah? Says who?
Me: My ass and the cork I shoved up it.
Sara: That cork was Hitler in a past life.
[Pause]
Me: What?
Sara: I said that cork was Hitler in a past life. Like, it did something so bad in its last life that it was reborn as a cork shoved up your ass.
For me, this election has been going on since September 2007. That's when I arrived in France, where my only English-language TV channel was CNN International, and pretty much all they ever talked about was the election. I can still recite all the commercials for The Campaign Trail with Jonathan Mann. "Who says the American election has to be boring?" "We never go anywhere on The Campaign Trail without packing heat!" "Stakes are high, people are cheering -- someone could get hurt!" "Who's telling the truth and who's making it up? On The Campaign Trail, we call it the Truth-o-Meter!" "Join us next time on The Campaign Trail. We'll do lunch!"
Easily the most annoying commercial on TV right now is the one for Special K chocolate cereal. Has anybody else seen it? The woman is frosting a chocolate cake with her kid, and she's just about to lick the bowl, but then she doesn't because she can have a bowl of this chocolate cereal instead. Ridiculous, right? I mean, the bowl of frosting is in her hand! No woman -- hell, no person -- has the willpower to resist licking a bowl of frosting when it's sitting there in their hand! It's so stupid that I yell at the TV every time I see it.
On that subject, my brother's birthday is tomorrow (he was born on Halloween; it suits him) and Grandma is making him a shrimp dinner and a yellow cake. I walked Sable over to her house after I got off work tonight, and I happened to walk through her door just in time to lick that bowl of yellow cake batter. Yellow cake batter is even better than yellow cake. This is why I could never make one; I'd eat the batter instead of baking it.
Last week Sara found this plastic replica of a human fetus at twelve weeks old that somebody left in her store. She's spent the last several days slowly, literally chewing it to pieces. That's right.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... Shirley Temple movies!
Oct. 17th, 2008 02:45 pmSome things I've heard recently that have made me laugh...
My cousin: You know, ever since I started living with Grandma, I've just gotten so tired of eating.
Me and my other cousin, talking about W, the new biopic of Bush...
Olivia: I hear it's supposed to make him look really bad.
Me: Does he really need help making himself look bad?
Me and my sister...
Sara: You know what the happiest day of my life was?
Me: The day you scored a perfect 100 on Piano Player?
Sara: Hmph.
My sister and her co-worker...
Sara: I live with my sister, Harrison. Every evening she darns socks while I read aloud to her from the Bible.
Harrison: [incredulous] Really?
Sara: [sarcastically] Yes, Harrison, really.
Harrison: [even more incredulous] You really do that? You read from the Bible?
Snippets of Rebecca's evening...
Jun. 17th, 2008 11:52 pmWhen my sister came home from work today...
Sara: Perhaps I bought you a present because you did my laundry yesterday.
Me: Did you?
Sara: Perhaps.
Me: Well, either you did or you didn’t.
Sara: Perhaps it’s in the kitchen and you have to go g–
I shove Sara out of the way and run to the kitchen. She has bought me a bag of Cheeto’s, which I finish in about five hours.
A little while ago, after I hid my face with a book when I saw a bug flying around the room...
Sara: You look like a Jewish person when the Nazis are coming.
Me: What did you just say?
Sara: I said you look like a Jewish person when the Nazis are coming, like, "Maybe if I put this book over my face, they won’t know I’m a Jew."
Me: I can’t believe you just said that. You know you’re a terrible person? But you did buy me Cheeto’s, so it’s okay.
Man, Rebecca's praying for this job.
May. 20th, 2008 04:02 pmI'm going in tomorrow to apply for a job that I would really like and am qualified for. Everybody keep your fingers crossed.
I've been trying to find ways to occupy my time so I don't get too lazy while I'm unemployed (like some people I know). Almost every day I've been making my bed, and usually I only make my bed once a week, and walking over to Grandma's for the classifieds of her newspaper. Yesterday Sara, Athena, and I got treated to a nice dinner at Grandma's by the sheer default that we had all shown up there on Sunday when Grandma hadn't cooked anything. She felt guilty, invited us to dinner the next day, and cooked enough for ten people. Of course.
Mom is gone on a trip to North Carolina, so we have the house to ourselves for now. She left me a list of groceries to get while she was away, and when I went shopping yesterday, I not only brought my own bags but also bagged them myself, like I had to do in France. It just felt wrong not to.
Lately I've been wondering why Sara doesn't wake me up when she goes to work in the mornings, because I'm usually an incredibly light sleeper who wakes up at the drop of a hat. Yesterday I finally realized that I must have become a heavier sleeper while I was in France. Really I had to, between the noisy students (that's redundant), school bells, and Nathalie's cell phone.
It seems that no matter where I go in the world, I always find a Sara who can unintentionally make me laugh.
Sara: "Every time I see a list of..." [Stops abruptly. Pause.]
Me: "Yes? A list of what?"
[Another pause.]
Me: "Well, Sara was saying something, but then, I don't know what happened."
[Long silence.]
Sara: "Wait, what were we talking about?"
Grandma, August 1953. She's 23 in this picture, the same age I am now.
Sara, Adam, and I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (the fourth movie in the series) in the theater today, Sara for the first time, me for the second, and Adam for the third. Here are a few of the many sarcastic comments we made to each other:
"A human boy!" Said by me when Professor McGonagall said, "But Potter is a boy," quoted from Wart in The Sword in the Stone.
"Up in his wishing tree," Sung by me when Draco jumped down from a tree to insult Harry, quoted from an episode of South Park that parodied Michael Jackson.
"Has Draco Malfoy been climbing trees today?" Said by Sara during the same scene, quoted from Captain von Trapp in The Sound of Music. I laughed so hard at this one.
"Brush your teeth!" Said by all of us during different close-ups of Karkaroff.
"I wish I knew how to quit you!" Said by Sara when Harry and Ron made up after their feud, quoted from an argument between Ennis and Jack in Brokeback Mountain.
"If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it," Said by me when Harry and Ron made up, quoted from the same.
"I'm a girl-watcher, watchin' girls go by," Said by Adam when Ron said, "You know how I like it when they walk," quoted from the song "Girl Watcher," by The Okasyions.
"Now I've ... had the time of my life... " Sung by me when Ron was dancing with Professor McGonagall, quoted from Johnny and Baby's dance finale in Dirty Dancing.
"Yes, Mother," said by Adam when Hermione told Harry and Ron to go to bed.
"Son of a bitch must pay!" Said by me when Harry emerged from behind a gravestone and confronted Vodemort, quoted from Jack in Big Trouble in Little China.
