Tried to hold up and be brave, but I could not hide my sorrow...

[rebecca_in_blue]

This is what our ticker looked like today. Sable was my dog for 15 years, 3 months, and 3 weeks. It was hard not living with him for five of those years, and I am grateful that he died while he was living with me and I got to see him every day. When I left for France, I was terrified that would die while I was gone, thinking that I was never coming back and not knowing how much I loved him. To think that was four years ago.

I love this shot of Sable lying on my bed. Look at how messy my floor was!

Sable and I woke up early this morning. I gave him some chicken bones for breakfast (I don't usually give him any non-dog food to eat; it makes him have diarrhea all over the carpet) and he gobbled them right up and licked his chops. Then we went outside for a little walk. It was a beautiful Spring morning, with dew still on the grass and so many plants and trees in bloom. Then my uncle picked us up and took us to the vet. I held Sable the whole way. My arms felt so painfully empty on the ride home.

I stayed in the room with him and held him when they gave him the shot and when he died. It was HARD, but the alternative -- not being with him, and instead just leaving him to die among strangers -- was unthinkable to me. It was fast and seemed peaceful. I cried a little bit, silently, when it happened, but I held most of it in until I got back home. (I try not to do crying in public. I didn't even cry at Dad or Grandma's funerals.) Then it was like a dam burst. I managed to keep it under control at work, but I fell apart all over again when I came home tonight to an empty apartment. I've felt kinda nauseous all day and haven't eaten much.

Sable died at the same vet clinic that we adopted him from way back in 1996. I asked the secretary if they still had a copy of his adoption record on file. She looked, but they didn't have it. The oldest record they had for Sable was from 1997 and it was titled "Emergency." It took me a minute to remember that he got hit by a car that year, when he was still just a crazy puppy running wild everywhere. Thinking about it actually made me feel a tiny bit better. Dogs and cats get hit by cars and killed every day. That could've happened to Sable, but instead, he survived, made a full recovery, and lived for another 15 years. I am so grateful to have had him in my life for so long. I could've had a prettier, smarter, better-behaved, or more obedient dog -- but I wouldn't have traded Sable for anything.

Sable Winston C.
1996 - 2012
A Good Dog

Comments

[morningloryblue.livejournal.com]

Rebecca, I am just so sorry that you lost your precious baby, Sable. I am sending you a big hug through the internet cloud tonight.

[rebecca-in-blue.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I appreciate the hug.

[kew121]

I'm so sorry to hear that Sable is gone. I'm sending you a big hug from me, too, and a box of tissues. (I needed some myself because this post brought back a lot of memories of my own dogs.)

[rebecca-in-blue.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[alidiabin]

Hugs.

Big Abby like hugs.

[rebecca-in-blue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Alice.

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