rebecca_in_blue | And the Biggest Jerk of the Year Award goes to...

I usually enjoy Torah study at the temple, but this morning... ugh. Somehow, a man named Jim Hebert - who is neither a member of our congregation nor had been invited to our Torah study - found this way in. And we're usually happy to have visitors at our temple, but this guy... again, ugh!

We happened to be reading Exodus 33, which is a very interesting chapter because it anthropomorphizes G-d by assigning Him a face, hands, and a back. Our group is discussing this when Hebert says, "It's talking about Jesus! Jesus is G-d in human form!"

I happened to be munching on matzoh bread with cream cheese at the time - yum! - and just about choked on it. Talk about your uncomfortable silences. Hebert tried to go on in this vein, but Barbara (Jewish Grandmother #2) interrupted and tried to explain that Jesus is not part of our Torah or our temple; there's only HaShem.

But nothing Barbara - or anyone - said to him made any difference. He said that our Torah was "incomplete," that we were "close-minded" to the truth. He spoke the name of God, something I've never heard anyone at temple do. He insisted that the "only" explanation for passages that assign a physical body to G-d was that G-d lived in human form as Jesus. This was also the "only" explanation for when G-d refers to Himself in plural form. I was so tempted to ask him, "Okay, where in the Gospels did Jesus say that Jim Hebert is the sole authority on interpreting the Bible? And where did Jesus say that you're supposed to be disrespectful to people who are trying to learn?"

When Rebekah directed Hebert to Genesis 1:26 - Let us make man in our own image, after our own likeness - he actually had the nerve to say, "That's exactly what I mean! Are you sure you're not a Christian?" He was lucky Rebekah's dad wasn't there; he probably liked to have punched his lights out. He sent me a message on Facebook later: "Rebecca, Rebekah told me all about that jerk at Torah study. Was he very obnoxious? I should've been there to take care of that idiot." Yes, you should've been. (Rebekah's explanation for that passage, by the way, was that G-d was referring to Torah and had created Torah before anything else.)

In the end, I'm surprised no punches were thrown. Sam and Barbara got very riled up, and Hebert actually told Barbara - the sweet old Jewish grandma who made hamantashen and chocolate matzoh for all the kids - that he'd see her "at the final judgement." She replied coolly, "I won't be there. I've already passed you up." That was wicked awesome, but all in all, it was seriously one of the most disrespectful things I'd ever seen. Can you think of anything ruder than coming into someone else's house of worship and telling them their beliefs are wrong?

Some of us caucused afterwards about whether he should've been asked to leave. Understandably, a lot of people were for it, but Rebekah and some other people thought it might've reflected badly on our temple. I was really impressed with how well Rebekah handled it. She avoided confrontation and never got angry. I can only think that she must've encountered jerks like Hebert before, because it certainly shook me up. But to paraphrase Antoine Dodson: Jews don't run around cryin' and actin' sad! We just dust our shoulders off and keep on movin'!

Anyway, after Torah study, I biked straight to Grandma's house and enjoyed some spaghetti with her, Aunt Carla, Uncle Chuck, Patrick, Priscilla, and Bethany. I brought them chocolate matzoh for dessert (Barbara gave it to me - she's just like Grandma in that whenever she gives you food, she says, "Is that all you're taking? Please take more!").

Think I'll watch The Ten Commandments on TV tonight.

Random P.S. Happy Birthday, Shirley Temple Black! She's 83 today.