rebecca_in_blue: (red riding hood)
I had such a strange dream last night. I was in a very small, crowded attic room with Sara, Adam, and one of my old college poetry professors. The room was full of fancy, old-fashioned furniture, like a bed on a very ornate brass stand, with lace-trimmed sheets and pillows. The windows were open, and outside I could see sunshine and leafy green tree branches. We were there for a poetry class. It was a regular thing for us, and we always started the class with one of us reading a poem of our choice. In the dream, it was my turn, but I had forgotten to bring my poetry book, so I decided to recite one instead. I have a number of poems memorized, but for some reason, I chose one that I didn't know all that well, "Hope," by Emily Dickinson.

This poem was in my tenth-grade English textbook, accompanied by the below painting (which I only remember because I was pretty big into René Magritte in high school). I really loved it when I first read it, and since then, my liking for it has waned, but it's still okay.

La grande famille, 1963 oil-painting by René Magritte

Anyway, back to my dream. I recited the first stanza perfectly.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all

I got most of the second stanza right, only messed up on a few words.

And sweetest in the gale is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

But I couldn't remember the third stanza at all. In reality, it's this:

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea
Yet, never, in extremity
It asked a crumb of me

But in the dream, I blanked and instead recited this stanza from another Dickinson poem, "Morning," which I've had memorized ever since I read it in our Childcraft Poems & Rhymes book as I kid. It's pretty obviously from a different poem than the previous stanzas of "Hope," but no one in the dream noticed.

Has it feet like water lilies?
Has it feathers like a bird?
Is it brought from famous countries
Of which I've never heard?
rebecca_in_blue: (bemused shrug)
I made my once-a-year trek into Target yesterday (okay, I'm exaggerating - but not much) and hallelujah, I'm finally done with my Christmas shopping! My only reservation is that my gift for Mom seems kinda... cheap, but she's never been an easy person to buy for. Adam and Sara at least don't ask for the same stuff for nearly every birthday and Christmas. I was so tired when I got home that I conked out and slept right through yesterday's new NCIS episode. The weird thing is, I dremt that I got up and went into the living room to watch it (I have a lot of very literal dreams - they get annoying) and what was happening on the show happened to be the fanfic I'm currently writing.

Today Sara and I went out to lunch with Mom and got a little cup of the trail mix Athena went crazy for. Her family is going up to Little Rock this weekend to visit her, and I was planning to send it with them as her Christmas present. Then, lo and behold, I discovered that they're leaving bright and early tomorrow morning! So I will be getting out of bed very early to drop it off with them before they leave. Ugh! Athena so owes me for this.

Tonight I spent the evening at Mom's house, making bacon & eggs, wrapping my Christmas gifts, and watching Star Trek. We saw the episode The Most Toys, and it was darn good. I kept shouting things at the TV: "You messed with the wrong sentient android, buster!" "Data is not an it!" "Go, Data! Kick his ass!" I've tried watching episodes online, but I can't really watch it by myself because 1) I don't have anyone to explain it to me, and 2) I don't have anyone to make comments like, "Is Data the sweet invention of a scientist's dream? Or is he really as sentient as he seems?" And now, onto my NCIS notes.

Notes on 10x10 "You Better Watch Out" )

Six days more
Another day, another destiny
This never-ending road to the movie
This film will surely be sublime, I'll go and see it fifty times
rebecca_in_blue: (happy smile)
Our temple had a Musical Shabbat last Friday, and it was amazing. The entire service was sung by our choir, accompanied by folks playing the guitar, flute, drums, and piano. We had new melodies to some old songs ("Hinnei Mah Tov" and the Kiddush) and some new songs that Rebecca had never heard before, like Debbie Friedman's "Sing Unto God."

My horribly blurry photo of our amazing choir!

Uncle John & Aunt Connie came and enjoyed it, but they couldn't stay for the oneg after. (Sassy Jewish Grandfather #2: "Rebecca, where'd your aunt and uncle go?" Me: "They were afraid if they stayed too long, they'd turn Jewish!" Him: "Well, I guess they saw what happened to you.") We had a ton of food -- chopped liver, challah bread with raisins, chips and dip, deviled eggs, and platters of vegetables, fruits, and brownies -- and I ate till I was stuffed.

Yesterday, I spent the evening at Aunt Connie's having a plarn-making party. She started making it and mentioned it to some missionaries, who gave her a huge toteful of plastic bags, which we spent hours cutting into plarn. I had to give up on my first attempt at crocheting plarn -- crooked edges and tight, single loops made the whole darn thing crooked -- but I started over making double loops and semi-straight edges with a smaller hook. Their kittens kept jumping in and out of the bags and trying to attack them.

Tovah continues to be such sweet, quiet company (at least, when she's not climbing on the laptop while I'm using it!). Last night, she slept in bed with me and sat on the rim of the tub while I took a bath. She loves splashing her paws in her water dish, the bathtub, and any glass of water we leave out. It's pretty funny to watch. Speaking of water, I had a dream that I was having a mikvah and woke up with the most peaceful feeling.
rebecca_in_blue: (red riding hood)
A few notes on the week that was:

I have a recurring nightmare that I have to go back to high school because it turns out, I never actually graduated. I had it a few days ago, and I remember thinking in it, "I have to go back to high school? Seriously? This is what always happens in my nightmares, only now it's happening for real!" This time, though, I put on my hideous old uniform (plaid skirt and everything), along with my Star of David necklace and tefillin, which I never wear. I remember thinking, "Well, if I have to go back to Catholic high school, they're not sucking the Jew out of me!" It was very strange.

The ball of plarn I was making grew too big to fit under my bed, so I started crocheting it. It's slow going. I was never very good at crocheting, I'm very out-of-practice, and plarn is tougher to work with than yarn. We'll see what happens. I think I need to upgrade to a bigger crochet hook.

I've started watching Storage Wars with Sara. One of the guys on it, Barry, reminds me of my Sassy Jewish Grandfathers. Maybe he's somebody else's. And speaking of Jews...

Last Friday, I happened to wear my oldest, rattiest shirt to temple instead of a nice blouse (which is what I usually wear), and of course, the rabbi called on me to say the blessing over the candles. Ugh. I should've known. Which brings me to...

One of my goals for 2012 is to be a lay leader for services some time this year. (I'm thinking about July or August. My temple anniversary is in August, so that would be nice.) I know my Sassy Jewish Grandparents would help me with the Hebrew. I go every week, so I already know most of it pretty well -- the real problem of me is getting up in front of the whole congregation. I get nervous just saying the blessing over the candles! Ugh.

Has anybody else seen this trailer? Sara showed it to me last night. She loves exorcism movies, and this one has a Jewish spin to it -- and two child actresses. (She thought I could translate the Hebrew. As if.) I have to say, it looks pretty scary. We might have to rent it when it comes out.

rebecca_in_blue: (dozing off)
I keep having dreams where Grandma comes back from the dead to cook something for me. Then I wake up hungry. It's kinda depressing. I recently found an old cassette tape I recorded years ago of Grandma talking about her early life and speaking some Cajun French. (I must have done it as a project for one of my French classes.) It's nice to be able to still hear her voice. I really wish I had some recording of Dad or Aunt Carolyn's voices.

I've been wasting spending time lately at the website Awful Library Books. It's a very interesting place where librarians blog about books that are being retired from their libraries. Most of them are hilariously outdated books on fashion tips or computer guides, but my jaw dropped when I came across Don't Make Me Go Back, Mommy: A Child's Book About Satanic Ritual Abuse. I had to see it to believe it. (Things get even better in part two!) There's also this old baby-name book with some very odd list categories; this one is for you, Sara.

Two exciting things about this week: I finally figured out how to crop to ratio in the Bitmap Paint program (I've been wanting to do this for years) and the website Child Starlets switched most of their content to FREE! These are huge deals for me.

I just got back from the Tu Bish'vat seder at the temple, but I will blog about that later. It lasted for over two hours, so I'm exhausted now. Torah study is tomorrow morning, and hopefully there'll be some more fun stuff tomorrow night.

FOUR ... DAYS ... LEFT until NCIS's 200th episode!
rebecca_in_blue: (trembling hand)
I had the strangest dream last night. I was at work, doing my job as usual, when Boss-Man summoned me to his office in his most serious voice. When I got there, he said, "Ms. C------, your rabbi tells me you haven't been a good Jew lately." I said something like, "What the hell? I am so a good Jew! Rabbi W would never say that about me!" And just then, Rabbi W walked into Boss Man's office. Our conversation went something exactly like this...

Rebecca: Rabbi, how can you say I'm not a good Jew? How have I not been a good Jew?
Rabbi W: You haven't been following all 613 mitzvot.
Rebecca: What are you talking about? Nobody follows all 613 mitzvot! You don't follow all of them! [Which is true, by the way. Most Jews don't.] Even God probably doesn't follow all of them!
Rabbi W: Well, Rebecca, when I converted you, you agreed that you would follow all 613 mitzvot.
Rebecca: That was never a condition of our agreement, nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter! [Points at Boss-Man]

It was so weird. I'm not sure what it means that this dream came on the night between my birthday and Yom Kippur.

Rebecca's been in go-mode since 8:30 this morning. After biking to and from work, I drove over to Grandma's house for dinner. She had spaghetti and cheesecake for me for my birthday. Then I had to pick up a few groceries, then I drove to the temple for Yom Kippur evening services, which lasted two hours!

One member of our congregation who'd been ill suddenly fainted away in the middle of the Kol Nidre! He was really pale, and I was pretty freaked when I saw him go down. (He turned out to be okay, but he had to leave early.) Just a few minutes before, Rabbi Z talked about how back in temple days, the other priests tied a rope around the high priest before he entered the Holy of Holies, in case the intensity of the moment made him drop dead. At the end of services, our temple president addressed Rabbi Z by Rabbi W's name and never even noticed.

Right now, I've got a Shirley Temple movie playing (Poor Little Rich Girl - I'd been wanting to rewatch it) and eggs boiling on the stove, for the devilled eggs I'm making tomorrow for the break-the-fast meal. And I know what you're thinking: "Rebecca, you think you're going to be able to fast all day when you have to make devilled eggs and have leftover birthday cake and six birthday-gift lemons in your refrigerator?" (Mom and Grandma both hit the same lemon sale and gave me lemons for my birthday. For as little time as they spend together, they sure do think alike about some things.) Hey, I said I would try. I never said I would succeed.

For any Jewish readers who might be attempting the fast too, T'zom Kal!
rebecca_in_blue: (worried eyes)

Hallelujah, I finally have a working phone again, and we're finally through with inventory at work! Inventory isn't too bad, just boring and long. Tonight I didn't get home until after eleven - blegh! The bad news is that with inventory over, back-to-school is right around the corner. It's very depressing, because I didn't think I'd be at this job for yet another back-to-school season, but here I am.

I made the mistake of watching our copy of The Others recently. I really admire that movie for well-executed it is, and how it's still so compelling even when you know how it ends. So many horror movies seem to think that blood + gore = scary, but The Others takes a much more civilized, sophisticated approach, and it creeps me out to no end. Even though I know exactly what happens, it still scares the bejeesus out of me every time. Now I'm all jumpy whenever I take Sable for a walk at night.

You can tell summer's here by Rebecca's hands. I have a little nick on one finger, left by a splinter I got while helping Grandma move into her new house. I have a blister on one hand from swinging in the park with Josh. And I have a mosquito bite on my palm that refuses to stop itching! I only take Sable on short walks now, because it's so hot, but I somehow manage to get several mosquito bites fast.

I had a dream the other night that a Messianic Jew was trying to convert me, and I woke up pissed off to no end. I should've told him to reevaluate if he was really Jewish, as Judaism - doesn't - prosletyze!

And guess what it's time for again? That's right:
72 DAYS LEFT until the Season 9 premiere of NCIS!

rebecca_in_blue: (trembling hand)

I'm still having regular dreams about being in a car crash. Last week, I dreamt that I rear-ended my cousin Matthew in our grandma's driveway (and his mom is the car insurance agent for both of us) and just last night, I dreamt that I was driving around my old neighborhood in Baton Rouge and crashed into a police officer! Blegh! I've also been dreaming a lot about being late for work (ever since I came in really late back here).

Things I've done with my tax refund check so far:

  • Paid my library fine. Finally! 
  • Gotten Muse Watson inspected. I may or may not have let his inspection sticker expire.
  • Taken me and Sara out to lunch at Cici's. I love Cici's pizza, but I hate going there by myself, and she almost never wants to go with me. Oh well, at least I have my gas station pizza.
  • Bought Adam a ticket to X-Men: First Class. He had his birthday last month, so I paid for his ticket as his present. Call me a bitchy sister, but I really resent buying Adam a birthday present. He was 24 this year, and he's never had to work for anything in his entire life. I am not exaggerating. He still lives with Mom, who pays for everything he wants/needs. When I was that age, I was supporting myself, and Mom had made it clear that she didn't want me living in her house. It's kinda hard not to be bitter over this.
And speaking of bitter, I have another job interview tomorrow morning. Really, what's the point anymore?

The Torah portion for this week is titled Beha'alotecha ( בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ ), meaning "when you step up." I'm trying, Torah.
rebecca_in_blue: (dozing off)

Here I am back at my laptop, dirty and exhausted but none the worse for wear. I just returned from spending the day biking through Hodges Gardens, which I think left me more sweaty than I've ever been in my entire life! I will post more about that later. For now, I just wanted to share the dream I had last night.

The car crash may have very destroyed all the confidence I had in my driving skills. Last night I had a terrible dream in which I was in another car crash, this one involving several cars, and once again, I was at fault! Ugh! The part worth posting about is that the first thing I did (in the dream) was to ask all the people I had hit if any of them were hurt. None of them were, and when I heard that, I immediately said, "Baruch HaShem." Then the man in the car closest to me asked what I just said. Me: "I said -- woah, what did I just say?"

I think this is a good sign. :)

rebecca_in_blue: (subtle sigh)

Today I called the garage in New Orleans where Muse Watson (my car) is being fixed, and they said he would be ready to go by tomorrow! I'm super relieved, because tomorrow is my day off, and thus the only day that I can go to Nola and get him. I'm catching a ride there with my Jewish grandparents.

Spring is here again, and everything in the neighborhood is in bloom: the azaleas, the baby's breath, the pear trees. (The only exception is the crepe myrtles, which don't bloom until summer.) There are also carpets of live oak tree pollen everywhere. While it's all gorgeous to look at from behind a window, and I love the cool weather, it's made my asthma a lot worse. I've been riding my bike to and from work this week since I have no car, and my wheezing is so bad that I've had to start taking Singulair again.

Grandma's house in all its springtime glory. I took this on Easter Sunday last year. Grandma's planning to move in the fall, so this year will likely be the last Easter our family spends there. I still haven't quite accepted it. Sigh...

I had a dream the other night involving Ride a Wild Pony and NCIS. The Ray that Ziva's been seeing was somehow revealed to be Tony's long-lost brother. No, this isn't what I want or suspect to happen. And I can't control what I dream, okay?

rebecca_in_blue: (happy smile)

Friday at work was a No-Good Very Bad Day... but to make up for it, Rebecca had an awesome weekend! After temple services, I finally buckled down and made pecan pie muffins for my Torah study group. I watched X-Men 2 while they were baking, in celebration of the awesome trailer for X-Men: First Class that was just released. My cousin Matthew sent me a link to it on Facebook on Thursday night, and I must have watched it a hundred times since then! I used to love those movies. I saw both X-Men and X2 in theater, and they were probably the first fanfiction I ever read. (But of course the first fanfiction I ever wrote goes to NCIS.) But after the crap that was X3 and Origins: Wolverine, I thought the franchise could never redeem itself. But this new movie might just prove me wrong! The trailer looks so amazing. Cross your fingers that it'll live up.

Link: Trailer for X-Men: First Class.

Saturday got off to a rough start. I woke up very early after a disturbing dream in which me and all my friends from the temple were being rounded up by Nazis. It left me quite shaken, so I went into the living room and watched TV until I dozed off again. Then I got up at nine to head to Torah study. One man there, Si, has a deep gravelly voice like Johnny Cash, and I just love listening to him read. I think if he ever recorded an audiobook of reading the Torah, he could scare straight a lot of people. My muffins were a hit. I think either 1) the batch I made for Thanksgiving 2009 (the ones nobody ate) were just freak duds, 2) everyone except my relatives likes my muffins, or 3) they really do suck, and the folks at temple were just too polite to say anything. Or maybe I'm overthinking these muffins.

Link: Recipe for pecan pie muffins.

After Torah study, I went on a long, glorious bike ride all over the neighborhood. The weather was cool and sunny, the sun was shining, and Rebecca loved every minute of it. (It's hard to believe that there were icicles hanging off my car just two weeks ago!) It was the best sort of bike ride, ambling all over, listening to the same song over and over again -- this time it was "We Belong Together," from Toy Story 3. When I came home, I actually said to Sara, "I feel so fresh and alive!" (Even though I was probably all sweaty and smelly.) She had gotten a gift card to Chili's, so we went there for dinner that night. I usually always get the same dish there, but this time I tried something new, and it wasn't half-bad.

Link: "We Belong Together."

Today we all went over to Grandma's for spaghetti and birthday cake for Aunt Celeste. We stuffed our faces and talked about Stephen King books, and I took a few pictures. I've been fiddling with my camera a lot lately, trying to figure out how to keep the subject focused while blurring the background. I eventually realized that the trick to it is the zoom. It's difficult, because you have to adjust the zoom depending on how far the subject is from your lens, and how far the background is behind the subject. If I ever have kids (a mighty big if, I know), maybe I'll have gotten the hang of it by then. I just hope I'll have moved on from this old camera!

This was the best shot I could get today. Yes, I did edit it on the computer, and the contrast is too severe, but I still like it. Notice how the background behind Eva is slightly less focused than she is? Maybe one day I'll know how to make this happen without having to edit it. I still can't believe she's a teenager now!

After Grandma's, I went swinging in the park with Josh. We talked about NCIS, and he was confused when I told him I let my sister name my car Muse Watson, after the guy who plays Mike Franks.

rebecca_in_blue: (Default)

I had a dream the other night that I was watching a movie with Shirley Temple and Peggy Ann Garner, when they were both about twelve. Shirley played a girl whose family moves into a haunted house, and Peggy Ann played the ghost of a murdered girl. (What an odd combination – two of the last young actresses you'd ever expect to do horror.) That summary makes it sound awful, I know, but in my dream, it was incredibly creepy and gothic movie, and now I'm damn disappointed it doesn't actually exist. This is not the first time I've had this problem.

After years of using Aim toothpaste exclusively, I recently bought a tube of Colgate, and now Aim doesn't make my mouth feel clean anymore. I've tried to go back to it, but lately whenever I use Aim, I have to brush my teeth a second time with Colgate because my mouth still feels dirty. For some reason, I am rather annoyed by this. Wow, Rebecca is posting about toothpaste. When did this LJ get so boring?

At the request of relatives, I have made a list of things I want for my upcoming birthday. This is all I could come up with for now, but I'll add on to it if more comes to mind.

  • Black socks. To wear to work.
  • A dust-buster. A good one. And if you can, please also buy me the will to use it reguarly once I've got it.
  • 2G SD Cards. Nothing bigger than 2G, please – my camera can't support that. These start at $8 at my store and can probably be found cheaper elsewhere.
  • Movies: The Secret Garden (1949). I've never seen it – although I did do a comparison video as part of my Secret Garden series – but I love the 1993 version to death, so I can't imagine I won't like this one too.
  • Books: Plain Beautiful: The Life of Peggy Ann Garner, by Sandra Grabman; Little Girl Lost: A Child Star's Descent into Addiction and Out Again, by Drew Barrymore; Choosing a Jewish Life: A Handbook for Converting to Judaism, by Anita Diamant.
  • Donations of any amount are welcome to a very charitable cause, The Change Rebecca's Name Fund.
  • Note: If you would like to buy Rebecca Mockingjay, please check with Sara first to make sure she has not already bought a copy. Both of us having our own would be pointless.

Holy Long John Silver, Batman! As of today, only ONE ... WEEK ... LEFT until Season 8 of NCIS! Of course, with my luck, I'll probably have to work that evening, since I foolishly didn't request off for it.

rebecca_in_blue: (dropped jaw)

Back-to-School Week was about as hellish as I expected, but at least I survived. And it's over now, much to the relief of me and pretty much every parent I checked out. We got pizza on Friday to celebrate it being over, and I dug uneaten crusts out of the garbage and brought them home to Sable, so everyone was happy. (Wtf is up with people who don't eat their pizza crusts? I love the crusts!) Anyway, some important lessons I learned this week:

  • The most boring TV show in the world can be made amusing by Sara's sarcastic comments. 
  • Grits are an excellent before-bedtime snack. I finally got sick of oatmeal, so I've gone back to grits.
  • Encounters with your former high school teachers don't have to be awkward... but more often than not, they are.
  • Wealth is measured in more than just money... right?
I've been collecting cans as much as I can lately to help with the costs of getting my name changed. I dropped three bags off at my mom's yesterday and accidentally forgot to bring them to Grandma's house later (I store the cans in her garage between cashing them in). Today Mom collected said bags, drove them over to my apartment, and left them outside the door. Wtf? Even though I put them on the back of an outdoor shelf that she never uses, apparently seeing any sign of my existence is offensive to her. This after I found out a few days ago that my 30-year-old brother who still lives with her doesn't have a valid driver's liscense or car insurance, pays no rent or bills, and uses my brother's phone and my mom's bike because he doesn't want to buy ones of his own. (Mom is apparently okay with all this, since she's allowed it to go on for years.) In what universe does that make sense? My life might not be perfect, but at least I have a concept of responsibility. 

I had a dream about said brother a few days ago in which he was siphoning gas out of my truck into his car (which is non-existent in real life, since he doesn't know how to buy car insurance). I found out about it and got so mad that I took a bite out of his arm. Literally, I bit out a big chunk and my mouth came away full of arm guts.

And oh yeah, so excited over this...
Less than a month to go, people!!
rebecca_in_blue: (raised eyebrows)
I woke up around eight yesterday morning to a very hot, still bedroom. I was about to go yell at Sara for turning off the ceiling fan -- because the bedroom is hot enough with it on -- but when I went into the living room, she wasn't there, and it was equally hot and still. That's when I realized the electricity had gone out, and Sara came in saying a breaker box down the street had exploded. (Or something. I was still half-asleep, so I didn't catch all of it.) It had only been out for a little while, but it was already so hot that we packed up Sable, drove over to Mom's house, and slept on her sofas until the power came back on, which thankfully didn't take that long. I had a dream that I overslept until five (I was due to go to work at one that day) and when I finally woke up, had a voicemail telling me I'd been fired.

There's a customer who comes into our store regularly who I think looks almost exactly like Serge Gainsbourg. (If you're not familiar, he was huge French rock star, sorta the French Elvis.) The customer is a little thinner and doesn't have the whole "fried his brain on drugs" look about him, but almost every time he comes into the store, I literally start and think, "Serge Gainsbourg? What's he doing here?" The other day I finally said to him, "Has anybody ever told you you look just like Serge Gainsbourg?" Him: "No, but thank you, I love his music." Me: [shocked] "You know who he is? That's super devlish!" Okay, I didn't actually say the devlish part. I should've asked him if he knew about the Birkin family, too.

The M key on our keyboard has somehow gotten stuck, and whenever you go to push it, you either get too many Ms or none at all.

rebecca_in_blue: (dishevelled hair)

I haven't posted in a good while, so here's a recap of what I've been up to. As you can see, it's not much.

Have you ever had a dream that left you feeling incredibly pissed-off when you woke up? I dreamt last week that Sara opened all our windows and threw all my stuff out onto the street. (Useless fact for the day: dreamt is the only word in the English language that ends in -mt. My dad had a book of useless facts, but this one I read on the back of a cereal box.) I was both furious and relieved when I woke up. It doesn't help that almost every time I wake up, no matter what time of day, she feels a need to tell me I'm lazy. Apparently sleeping at all makes me lazy.

A few days ago I finally washed the truck; we hadn't washed it since I don't remember when, so it was hard work getting all the grime off, but I actually kinda enjoyed it. It was a sunny day in Mom's driveway, with my iPod speaker playing and Sable rolling around in the grass. (Even though, for some stupid reason, I did it on the second day of my period, which is when I have the worst backaches known to man.) It turns out the truck is actually a pristine white, not dingy gray. I'm still not used to it. I even borrowed Grandma's dust-buster and cleaned out the cab.

For the past week, I've been almost completely abstaining from the NCIS reruns on USA. I got myself so hyped up over last Tuesday's new episode on CBS -- and this Tuesday's is the season finale (omg! breathe, breathe, breathe!) -- that I don't want to overdose. It feels good to take a little breather.

My damn ankles are always giving me problems, but today they're especially bad. I don't know why, maybe because I closed tonight and had to recover pods 9-6, which involves nonstop standing and bending.

rebecca_in_blue: (bemused shrug)
I had another dream involving child actresses last night. (See also the one about Liz Taylor and the one about Anna Paquin & Victoire Thivisol.) In it, I'd just bought a DVD of this movie starring a really young Dakota Fanning (like, I Am Sam-era young), a Matilda-era Mara Wilson, and a modern-day Natalie Portman, who I think was playing Mara's mom. I can't remember anything about the actual movie, except that I really loved it and was so excited to have a copy.

Adam and I drove out to Iowa yesterday for the Rabbit Festival. I enjoyed the atmosphere and looking around at the booths, but I mostly just went for the carnival food. I love carnival food! (Carnival rides make me sick now, which makes me feel about as old as Grandma!) With the incredibly strong smells of boiled crawfish -- which, like coffee, I love the smell but not the taste of -- and onion rings bombarding my nose from every direction, it was really hard to limit my choices to nachos, funnel cakes, and fried oreos. Adam had a sno-cone and cotton candy. Would you believe he's curious as to what raw onions taste like, but wouldn't try a bite of delicious funnel cake? We also visited Celeste & Co. while there and met their dog Bo, who is so sweet that he reminded me of Dug from Up. Within a few minutes of meeting me, he was throwing himself in my lap and gazing up at me adoringly. The most amazing thing is that I could pull myself away from NCIS and leave the house at all that day.

The weather was nice enough while we were out yesterday, but last night was almost scary. It didn't rain much, but the wind was strong that I thought I was back in Villers-Cotterets. It practically shook the apartment building at some points, and I could hear it whooshing up and down the streets like it was alive. And angry.

Today I did my laundry at Grandma's, flipped through her TV Guide, and made a list of every NCIS episode coming on from Monday to Thursday. I put it up on our refrigerator, although I considered taping it to the corner of the TV screen. I'm so excited: tomorrow is "Judgment Day," the one where Jenny dies!!! I've been looking for that episode on YouTube since for weeks, but I've only found parts of it, so I never got the whole story on how she died. As much as I liked her and didn't want her to die, this is going to be awesome.

Tomorrow, it's back to the salt mines. There has been a lot of drama at work lately because one of my managers claims she's being disrespected. I think she's just taking her anger over her skunk-striped dye job out on us. Sara has said I'm "the definition of passive-aggressive" -- which is something I've seriously been trying to change -- but I'm nothing compared to some of my co-workers. They're having worse problems with Skunkhair than I am, because they tend to cry in the corner, roll their eyes, make sarcastic comments under their breath, and/or bitch to me when she pisses them off. I am working at honestly telling her when she pisses me off, and why.

I've also been trying to figure out how I got to be so passive-agressive in the first place. It sounds so whiny for anyone to still blame their problems on their mom when they're an adult, but I do think my mom's part of it. She's not a cruel person, but when she gets mad, she can say and do incredibly hurtful things. I don't remember ever trying to talk to her about this -- or about anything -- because it was always a given to me that she wouldn't apologize, wouldn't admit she'd done anything wrong, wouldn't change. I remembered recently that when I was a little kid, if I was doing I shouldn't, if someone said to me, even in a perfectly nice way, "Please don't do that," I would feel devastated and think they were angry with me. Is that normal? But then, is anyone? Think I'll go watch Matilda now.
rebecca_in_blue: (stiff shoulders)
Our pilot light somehow went out last night, causing our heater to shut down. When I woke up, everything in the apartment was like ice. (I am not exaggerating.) I threw a blanket over Sable, relit the pilot light, cranked up the heater, and got back in bed until it was -- well, not warm, but less cold. I can't wait until this damned cold weather is over. Sable shit all over the floor a few days ago, probably because the weather was so terrible (cold and wet and windy) that he didn't want to go out. Either that, or he's so old that his plumbing doesn't work anymore. And I really hope it's not the latter, because I can't deal with that.

I am a tiny bit excited that the Saints are going to the Superbowl, but I also will be very happy when it's over and everyone stops talking about it. A lot of my customers today were wearing Saints shirts and/or black-and-gold Mardi Gras beads. I'm scheduled to close tomorrow, no doubt because my managers knew that I don't pay attention to football and wouldn't care.

I had a dream a few days ago that one of my managers -- one of my nicest managers, actually -- went drunk-driving and crashed his car into our apartment building (or a house nearby, I can't quite remember). He was okay even though he was covered in blood, and when he saw me, he slurred, "Rebecca, you can't tell anyone at work about this!" I began to suspect I was dreaming at that point, because he's the last co-worker I'd expect that from. I told him about it at work the next day -- which I maybe shouldn't have done, in retrospect -- and he was weirded out.

rebecca_in_blue: (Default)

I was off today, but instead of doing anything productive, I've just been really lazy. I didn't visit Grandma, rike my bike, clean the apartment, or give Sable a bath. All I did was sleep in until noon, make a YouTube video, and eat one big meal. Now I feel so lethargic and bloated. The weather channel said it would rain all day today, but it never did, though it was extremely windy and cloudy.

Last night I stayed up late making notes on the story I'm planning to write for NaNoWriMo. (Only two days left! Eek!) I wrote until my hand cramped -- and by the way, I'm putting all my notes in this awesome notebook I bought from work for only 85 cents -- but I'm not satisfied. I meant to do more work on it today, but of course I haven't done that, either. I think that most of my outline so far is good (or good enough for me, anyway), but I don't think that it will be nearly enough to meet NaNoWriMo's word requirement of 50,000 words. I'm also worried that the ideas will sound good in my head, but when I actually try to write them, they'll come out all wrong. But I guess I should stop worrying and just go with it -- after all, that's part of the whole purpose of NaNoWriMo. I'm always writing stories and never finishing them, but if I can stick with this, it will almost certainly be the longest single piece I've ever done.

I have a series of recurring dreams in which I have some pet rodent that I really don't want, and I neglect it horribly, never cleaning its cage or feeding it, until it starves to death. They're pretty disturbing dreams, because I wake up feeling so guilty. I had the dream again a few nights ago (it was a pet rat in this one) and was telling Sara about it. Me: "And you know what the really weird thing was? I don't know why, but I think the rat's name was Ryan White." Sara: "Rebecca! That's horrible!" Me: "Well, I don't know why that was its name. I didn't give it that name."

rebecca_in_blue: (dozing off)

I had a dream last night involving a National Velvet-era Elizabeth Taylor (she was about 12 when she did that; great child actress, awful film). She lived in the duplex down the street from Mom's house, and me and some friends -- I think Andrew Birkin and his family were among them -- were riding our bikes down the street to visit her. It was very weird, because Liz Taylor was just a kid, but she was already famous, because somehow everybody knew that she was going to grow up to win Oscars and marry Richard Burton and etc. In my dream, she told me she always wore a baseball cap so people wouldn't recognize her. What I remember most is that when I left Liz's house, my bike was gone from the yard. I was so mad, I screamed and threw a tantrum, and when I woke up my hair was in a dishelved mess, so I think I must have tossed and turned in my sleep. As soon as I was up, I ran and checked on my bike.

Grandma's 80th birthday was yesterday! Yes, her 80th! And yes, her birthday is September 11 (at least it's easy to remember). I got to visit with Athena and Eva and we all ate spaghetti and yellow cake and it was delish, as always.

rebecca_in_blue: (pursed lips)

Things I did today: washed Sable's beds, did my laundry, washed the dishes, gave Sable a bath, vacuumed, made the bed, folded Sara's clothes, and wrote out checks for the bills. So my weekend wasn't a complete waste after all, and now our apartment is sparkling clean! Sable was mad at me because he hates being clean, but I gave him some old pork and rice to make it up to him. Right now he's rolling around on his nice clean afghans.

Sable woke me up early this morning to take him on a walk, but it was so surprisingly cool and pleasant outside that I didn't mind. We walked almost two blocks, further than Sable's gone in a good while. But I was so tired from waking up early that I fell asleep on Grandma's couch when I went over this afternoon to eat spaghetti. I don't remember my dream, but I jolted awake from it ready to scream, "Don't hit the delete key!" Weird.

Sara and I watched High School Musical 2 on Disney last night. If you haven't seen those movies, you seriously should. They're so hilariously bad they're good, like that old Adam West Batman movie. Sara alternated between pointing at the screen and laughing or staring in transfixed horror. I just laughed. The downside is, she got one of the musical numbers stuck in her head and won't stop singing it!

The strangest thing happened at work on Friday. In the middle of the day, for no apparent reason, I started shaking uncontrollably. I wasn't in a noticeable way, just little tremors in my arms and chest that I couldn't stop. I think my heart started beating faster too, but I'm still not sure if that was my imagination or not. It happened to start right before my lunch hour, so I tried to quell it by eating a really huge lunch. That did seem to make it stop; maybe because my body was so busy digesting that it was too tired to keep shaking.

I called my aunt on Friday and got news on my cousin's first week at private school. Since I was raised Catholic, I never considered how insanely weird the religion must seem if you've never been exposed to it. Eva didn't understand why all the other kids called the man in black father (surely they're not all one family?) or why he threw water on them (she glared at him when he threw it on her! Heh, she's awesome!) or why they all suddenly started mumbling. Really, I'm impressed she wasn't more freaked out than she was.

I am so glad that Back-to-School is over.


rebecca_in_blue: (Default)

March 2013



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